The Spirit Of Christmas

Allegedly ... Allegedly ... Allegedly

And so it came to be that two wise men decided to create their own Xmas star and that people from far and wide should flock to see this wondrous thing ... largely through the power of marketing and through abusing the Xmas spirit they found in young children . A stable would have been a little to classy for these wise men so they built their theme park in Dorset and called it Lapland New Forest.

I do not think too many wise men followed the star to this wondrous attraction and there was little evidence of frankinscence and Myrrh but a shed load of dosh changed hands for the privelage of parking in a traveller site inhabited by some manky looking animals and sad looking elves ... It cost me £100 for this privelage and having waited for 1hr and 40 mins my girlfriends kids got to see santa and got a toy which looked like something from the reject shelf in poundstretcher.

Me being me though I refused to be downcast as I was able to draw two big plusses from the day !! Firstly when one of my horrible mates starts telling me a "I once went to this really crap place !!" story , I will be able to top it !!

Secondly ... myself and my good mate Lightening have decided to open our own theme park this Easter and call it "Portland Easter Bunny world " All bookings will be taken in advance and on line and the attractions listed will include

: Rides on the back of our tame Golden Eagles .... However if they are unavailable on the day you will be allowed to feed chips to the local seagulls !!

: Nature easter egg hunt for the kids ..... we have carefully hidden three fawn coloured easter eggs somewhere on chesil beach in the area between Portland and Bridport ... If your child can find one they will win discounted tickets to our next version halloween@Portland only £25 per child !!

: Barbeque Bunny Grill !! For £25 your child gets a pitchfork to jab about into our barrell of blind baby bunnies . Any skewered bunnies can then be incinerated into something that would make Ray Mears gag before being partially consumed by your child . E Coli food poisoning is an additional extra that we throw in free of charge !!

In the event of being exposed as fraudsters or you realising that we are con men we will of course protest our innocence, safe in the knowledge that the old bill will shy away calling it a civil debt and that trading standards will dilly dally about allowing us to clear up before declaring ourselves bankrupt.

Bunnyworld Portland ... it aint cheap and it aint pleasant !!! For further info please go to www.robyouofyoursavings@shiteattraction.com Do please remember to shout "RABBITS" to every native Portlander you meet cos they love it and will give you a friendly wave .....

Well maybe not ..... special rates for anyone stupid enough to click on this link !!!
regards
Shaun